40 Days of Hell to Heaven

Should God see fit to help me fight and win this battle, the day and the spoils will be his. To be granted his peace and walk alongside him will be my treasure, though my motivation to acquire said treasure is practically nonexistent. I can't see it.

God help me, I'm fracking weak. It's only when I'm sated do I feel free of my desire, my hunger. I suppose that's the call sign of a middle term in a battle, whoever's not trying to kill you, you try to side with. Unfortunately, this makes me the bad guy.

"Father seek me in my darkest day
find me in the cinder pile
I am left alone and burned away
I am weeping all the while"

Pastor Eric said:
"I cry out to you today, God. I ask that you come and visit me; that you come right into my life, right into my circumstances; that you will take your loving hands and begin to smooth out the wrinkles and complexities of my life. I thank you that you have good in store for me, blessings that you want to have come my way. Give me the courage to order my day, to put the right things first and keep them there; and to build the right boundaries and parameters in my life so that I don’t stray from the way I know I should go. Then, I know your blessings will come; your abundance will start to flow in my life. God, I’m desperate for you today, to show up, to show strong and to change me. Make me like you, I pray. In Jesus’ name, Amen."

May it be, may it be.
God save my soul, may it be.

Cry to Me

Loss of tears in greater fears
Inexperienced of late
Finds me running slower still
To find the golden pearly gate

Let me cry in angel's tears
Pure as human's long lament
Focused all on sinful down
Our fate it seems to find its mint

Let me cry in broken wonder
Caught aloud and put asunder
Spoke through the dying man
Speech of death and then again

Help me now to speak the truth
To my heart and to my mind
Ever tearing at my heart
Oh more satans fear to find

Let me seek the thither world
I have sinned now yet again
It seems to fit my sorry state
Broke and torn now ev'ry plan

Oh my God I cry in numbness
Hold me in the arms of grace
For my fears, whispers and sadness
I have no room for beautied lace

This old heart is feelless pain
Knowing of the wrong well spent
And the ending fearing, reaping
Of the gifts I've known to wrent

Mourning gifts are not of me
Not to cry as others have
Though I wish I had such things
Arid tears I fate, alas

Now to beg the mercy of him
Living through my dreary tale
He who lives beyond the mountains
And whispers to me in heartened yell

Beg thee father, beg thee still
To clean me off my rotten core
Which tosses me now to and fro
From my sins of tattored yore

Now to cry in silent sobs
No sound convey my ever plea
For my God to save my soul
Save my heart, and rescue me